"No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up for life."
My circumstances are making me stronger, but it's not enough. I'm so worried about my family. Honestly. At the age of 23, I often ask myself.. are these supposed to be my responsiblities?
I was born with a weak personality yet I have no fatherly figure to look up to when I was young. Trust me it's really tough when I was trying to adapt.
Why do I always compare myself with my friends' families? I know different people have different problems.. but I just can't help it. I'm capable of escaping my problems or deny them.
I'm so tired of life and I'm a fucking coward. Sick of myself. I need to perform to society's standards because I have to. I'm a typical product of this society.
Too many problems to handle, too many plates of food on my hand. I'm choking.
Clinging to the belief that the phase is always difficult and I will see the end of light one day.
I must do it. I can do it. And I will do it.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Suddenly, I find myself in this territory of mine. A territory which I once penned thoughts since 8 years ago.
8 fucking years.
These years I have grown so much, and especially so during my 2 years in National Service. I've finally served my 2 years due as a Singaporean, and am now officially a civilian.
And as I look back in my archives, I've lost touch with blogging about my views and life for a year. I've been active on Facebook and Twitter, but I have plans to start blogging again.
So much things have happened during the year; my trip to Australia, my backpacking trip in Japan, and so much more.
Allow me to familiarise myself into the world of blogging. I'll be back.
8 fucking years.
These years I have grown so much, and especially so during my 2 years in National Service. I've finally served my 2 years due as a Singaporean, and am now officially a civilian.
And as I look back in my archives, I've lost touch with blogging about my views and life for a year. I've been active on Facebook and Twitter, but I have plans to start blogging again.
So much things have happened during the year; my trip to Australia, my backpacking trip in Japan, and so much more.
Allow me to familiarise myself into the world of blogging. I'll be back.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
it's going to be a year before i officially move on to the working society. we urban people seem to have this thinking: we want to earn as much money as possible, settle down and have a family, houses etc. people spoke to me about their dreams, materalistic ones of course. they believe they want to start work as soon as possible, and be extremely career minded.
why am i not one of those who has such thinkings? i believe that one should do the things he likes because sometimes by the time you reach 50, illnesses associated with ageing will find you, and you no longer have the energy to do the things you want. what's the point of earning so much money, only to spend on the medicine on our illnesses in later years.
is this a cycle that everyone has to go through? i would rather spend my time backpacking and understand the culture of people around the world. i want to lead an enriching life, not a luxurious one.
i read about an article regarding the top five regrets from peoples' deathbeds, and among them was actually regretting spending too much time at work and neglected their childrens' youth.
isn't it a very sad thing?
it's just some random food for thought..
Friday, May 13, 2011
Defensive.
Soon, it's going to be a year, the rite of passage which every Singaporean man has to go through. Reflecting back, I missed my section, with the hardship that we endured for months. I've met some amazing people and I'm thankful for that.
The training changed my physique drastically, and I've always thought of the times we helped each other with the physical training, and the shit we suffered.
Now that I'm in a different place, I no longer endure such trainings anymore. I don't have a buddy. I no longer know what's brotherhood. Camaraderie? Teamwork? These words are not in my dictionary for this phase of my life.
What I've learnt, is the brutal way of life: escaping responsibilities, shooting "arrows", superiority etc. I've become selfish.
I used to be altruistic, but what I realise is that people trample on you when they see your kindness. I used to help people, but all I got was scoldings and lectures from the other party who didn't get their facts right when it isn't my fault at all.
I became angry angsty, and got irritated easily. I begin to adopt a defensive personality which carries on to this day. I want to be true to myself, but sometimes, you learn the hard way and you have to adapt to circumstances.
Fuck this, how I wish it's next year, because I'm tired of everyone here.
The training changed my physique drastically, and I've always thought of the times we helped each other with the physical training, and the shit we suffered.
Now that I'm in a different place, I no longer endure such trainings anymore. I don't have a buddy. I no longer know what's brotherhood. Camaraderie? Teamwork? These words are not in my dictionary for this phase of my life.
What I've learnt, is the brutal way of life: escaping responsibilities, shooting "arrows", superiority etc. I've become selfish.
I used to be altruistic, but what I realise is that people trample on you when they see your kindness. I used to help people, but all I got was scoldings and lectures from the other party who didn't get their facts right when it isn't my fault at all.
I became angry angsty, and got irritated easily. I begin to adopt a defensive personality which carries on to this day. I want to be true to myself, but sometimes, you learn the hard way and you have to adapt to circumstances.
Fuck this, how I wish it's next year, because I'm tired of everyone here.
Monday, May 02, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Hey. (Not really in an excited tone.)
I like to pen down thoughts in this hour, it feels great. You know, recently I've known that one of my friends write about his experiences everyday in a journal without fail. I was kinda surprised that people still do that, and he reasoned that each entry he makes in his journal, he would read it some other day, because he might interpret it differently.
For example, if I'm angry and I pen down my thoughts, it will be a different kind of feeling when I read it some other days later, when I'll probably be in a different mood.
I thought it was a pretty good idea, though I might do it too. Perhaps blog is enough? :)
Oh yes, I went to India for 3 weeks some time ago. It was actually a cultural shock. But the impact was there. Too bad I was there not as a tourist, but I would love to visit India again. It's really amazing.
You know, it's been a terrible week for me. Someone whom I thought I was right to trust, I guess I was wrong all along. But perhaps there shouldn't be blame at all.
Maybe it's just a vicious cycle.
I'm still feeling a bit lost every now and then, but I hope I'm getting there. I guess I need a nudge in the right direction.
Did I mention about this dream I had yesterday? I dreamt that I died, on the battlefield. I proned down when I saw 2 tanks firing at me. I manage to dodge few of its attacks but I still die. I saw this bright white light, and then.. I woke up.
I went to check on the internet, and this is what it said about someone dreaming about ownself dying:
"To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life."
Ah, perhaps that's why..
I like to pen down thoughts in this hour, it feels great. You know, recently I've known that one of my friends write about his experiences everyday in a journal without fail. I was kinda surprised that people still do that, and he reasoned that each entry he makes in his journal, he would read it some other day, because he might interpret it differently.
For example, if I'm angry and I pen down my thoughts, it will be a different kind of feeling when I read it some other days later, when I'll probably be in a different mood.
I thought it was a pretty good idea, though I might do it too. Perhaps blog is enough? :)
Oh yes, I went to India for 3 weeks some time ago. It was actually a cultural shock. But the impact was there. Too bad I was there not as a tourist, but I would love to visit India again. It's really amazing.
You know, it's been a terrible week for me. Someone whom I thought I was right to trust, I guess I was wrong all along. But perhaps there shouldn't be blame at all.
Maybe it's just a vicious cycle.
I'm still feeling a bit lost every now and then, but I hope I'm getting there. I guess I need a nudge in the right direction.
Did I mention about this dream I had yesterday? I dreamt that I died, on the battlefield. I proned down when I saw 2 tanks firing at me. I manage to dodge few of its attacks but I still die. I saw this bright white light, and then.. I woke up.
I went to check on the internet, and this is what it said about someone dreaming about ownself dying:
"To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life."
Ah, perhaps that's why..
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The thoughts are stuck in the clouds.
I can see cobwebs on my webpage, and little specks of dust here and there. Hmmm, I guess it's time again to visit this old avenue of mine. I know I don't frequently update, but that's because I bottle things up sometimes, and put up ambiguous statuses in Facebook at times..
I wonder what brings me to my blog again, it's like you want to visit a place without a reason. And here I am I guess, listening to Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri, and I Look To You by Whitney Houston while typing..
Emo with much reflection on myself I guess.
Some random thoughts......:
One thing I've realise as a Scorpio is that you will always know what you're good at, which is a negative thing if you ask me. I find that when you know that you're good, you no longer work as hard to find out more as you once did, because you know you are damn good. Humility goes a long way, and I have so much to learn from it.
Recently, I've noticed that I've changed because of my environment. Someone who seems to be more bashing verbally and outspoken. I've learned to survive in my environment since 8 months, scolding people if I deem necessary, so that I won't be a victim of bullying. I've become more vulgar, both physically and verbally.
Sometimes, it's like I'm no longer myself. It sorta gets into an identity crisis, because I think it's not me. But on the other hand, I feel that I get shortchanged, and that I put myself in a disadvantage.
Did I mention that I've been having some deep thoughts lately? The desire to ORD, thinking that I have some big plans to earn big money and such. I've been to some gatherings, and I bumped into my little cousins, and I suddenly had this urge to want to earn lots of money to provide tuition and stuff for them, to see them grow into young and promising adults. I think it's partly because I appreciated what my aunts provided for me when I was young and wanted to do things in return, not that I turned out to be a useful guy..
There's this super strong part of me, intending to go backpacking around the world, preferably Europe.. It's just that I have this curiosity that I want to discover the world. People whose lives I've never imagined, cultures that I'm intrigued, and communicating with foreign languages which seems like a challenge.
Going to Cambodia 2-3 years ago left a big etch on my mind (and a girlfriend of course!), and it serves as a reminder for me how lucky I am to be born in Singapore. Moreover, I think I'll be deeply appreciative of these experience and be able to cultivate myself into a better person. It's like the world is waiting for me.
Speaking of which, I seem to be falling into the trap of thinking I'm super knowledgeable, and having a bit of intolerance of people who's different from me, and of course, the failure to understand the importance of prudency. That's very bad, and I'm trying to change. I'm only 21 and I've only completed like 1/4 of my life!!
I'm still a serious person as ever, and I think the FAT old self is being a ghost of me. I'm not trying to sound sensitive, but it does gets a bit irritating when you have friends who keep teasing you about how fat you're becoming since you lost so much weight and stuff. I know I've gained like 2 kg, but trying my best to maintain is getting a toll of my mind, because I kept asking some friends if I looked fat, but they just told me no.
I'm no mind-reader nor a psychologist, but I guess some people just cannot accept change, heck I even had a relative telling me "I can't wait to see you grow back to your usual self!" It's amazing, when you see people show their true colours.
Time has made me lose some friends, and some, no longer close before. You could really see the differences, and it becomes extremely evident.
Oh damn, it's like 3.30am, a timing which I'm rarely awake. and I think I've been blabbering a lot of nonsense. My brain is not functioning properly already and I shall end here. Sorry for the abrupt end, cos I'm too tired!
Just one last quote to share and something which I've been sticking by:
Honesty is the best policy.
Goodnight blog, till then.
I wonder what brings me to my blog again, it's like you want to visit a place without a reason. And here I am I guess, listening to Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri, and I Look To You by Whitney Houston while typing..
Emo with much reflection on myself I guess.
Some random thoughts......:
One thing I've realise as a Scorpio is that you will always know what you're good at, which is a negative thing if you ask me. I find that when you know that you're good, you no longer work as hard to find out more as you once did, because you know you are damn good. Humility goes a long way, and I have so much to learn from it.
Recently, I've noticed that I've changed because of my environment. Someone who seems to be more bashing verbally and outspoken. I've learned to survive in my environment since 8 months, scolding people if I deem necessary, so that I won't be a victim of bullying. I've become more vulgar, both physically and verbally.
Sometimes, it's like I'm no longer myself. It sorta gets into an identity crisis, because I think it's not me. But on the other hand, I feel that I get shortchanged, and that I put myself in a disadvantage.
Did I mention that I've been having some deep thoughts lately? The desire to ORD, thinking that I have some big plans to earn big money and such. I've been to some gatherings, and I bumped into my little cousins, and I suddenly had this urge to want to earn lots of money to provide tuition and stuff for them, to see them grow into young and promising adults. I think it's partly because I appreciated what my aunts provided for me when I was young and wanted to do things in return, not that I turned out to be a useful guy..
There's this super strong part of me, intending to go backpacking around the world, preferably Europe.. It's just that I have this curiosity that I want to discover the world. People whose lives I've never imagined, cultures that I'm intrigued, and communicating with foreign languages which seems like a challenge.
Going to Cambodia 2-3 years ago left a big etch on my mind (and a girlfriend of course!), and it serves as a reminder for me how lucky I am to be born in Singapore. Moreover, I think I'll be deeply appreciative of these experience and be able to cultivate myself into a better person. It's like the world is waiting for me.
Speaking of which, I seem to be falling into the trap of thinking I'm super knowledgeable, and having a bit of intolerance of people who's different from me, and of course, the failure to understand the importance of prudency. That's very bad, and I'm trying to change. I'm only 21 and I've only completed like 1/4 of my life!!
I'm still a serious person as ever, and I think the FAT old self is being a ghost of me. I'm not trying to sound sensitive, but it does gets a bit irritating when you have friends who keep teasing you about how fat you're becoming since you lost so much weight and stuff. I know I've gained like 2 kg, but trying my best to maintain is getting a toll of my mind, because I kept asking some friends if I looked fat, but they just told me no.
I'm no mind-reader nor a psychologist, but I guess some people just cannot accept change, heck I even had a relative telling me "I can't wait to see you grow back to your usual self!" It's amazing, when you see people show their true colours.
Time has made me lose some friends, and some, no longer close before. You could really see the differences, and it becomes extremely evident.
Oh damn, it's like 3.30am, a timing which I'm rarely awake. and I think I've been blabbering a lot of nonsense. My brain is not functioning properly already and I shall end here. Sorry for the abrupt end, cos I'm too tired!
Just one last quote to share and something which I've been sticking by:
Honesty is the best policy.
Goodnight blog, till then.
Friday, December 31, 2010
The last post of 2010.
Hello blog. You know, ever since I enrolled into National Service, I've not been faithful in blogging out. Nobody's probably gonna read this, so I guess it's like having a conversation with someone.
Ever since my last post, things have gotten better and I cannot be more thankful than that. One habit that I've developed is going to town during weekends, and spend like nobody's business. Frugality? I've never thought of that.
After all, my leisure time is only during the weekends, and all I thought of was actually to eat and play, eat and play, and eat and play. I asked myself: Am I going to do this for the next 2 years?
No. And hence after much consideration, I've taken one of my lesser-favoured hobbies to a whole new level.
Buying a DSLR for Photography.
That made me real broke, but I decided to build up a personal portfolio, so that it'll be easier for me to find jobs outside after my service. I'll focus into photojournalism on occasional weekends.
Ah, did I mention that I've kinda lost touch with blogging and writing? I'm getting back the feel of blogging once again it seems.
Did I mentioned that I've lost 14kg during the past few months? Life's got better and I've gained back 2 kg, but I'm pretty much determined to maintain this weight of mine. I've been exercising some self-discipline, by running 8 km every few days.
I've been fat my whole life, and I don't want to get to that point again. It's really tough, especially given my personal preferences and choices, but I believe I'll prevail.
On the other hand, this year has been a good year in terms of health wise, and I'm glad my family and relatives are doing just fine. I'm also glad to have met some amazing people who guided me throughout my new journey. Even when I go jogging alone, I would think of the times where we ran together as a group, and how people encouraged and spurred me on. I'm really thankful for the memories, and thank you guys for being there.
Did I mention that I became more independent? In the past, I seemed to go out only if I had a friend's company. But now, I will still go out alone if there's no one to accompany me. A lot of people interpret this as being emo or assume I've got no friends or whatsoever. But weekends are my only leisure time, and sometimes, things just need to be done, even if I'm alone.
I've became more mature and braver, and I guess I've grown stronger, personality-wise.
It's the end of 2010, and I guess it went by in a flash. I've learnt that even if we're leading mundane lives, we can still make a difference in our everyday lives by making someone smile or making a positive impact in someone's life, even for a day, and with that I hope that in 2011, I can apply the same thing to the mundane life which I assume I'll be having.
And with that, I wish you a Happy New Year, with many blessings!
*2010 has been a year of significant birthdays personally: My 21st birthday, and my Mom's 50th birthday!
Ever since my last post, things have gotten better and I cannot be more thankful than that. One habit that I've developed is going to town during weekends, and spend like nobody's business. Frugality? I've never thought of that.
After all, my leisure time is only during the weekends, and all I thought of was actually to eat and play, eat and play, and eat and play. I asked myself: Am I going to do this for the next 2 years?
No. And hence after much consideration, I've taken one of my lesser-favoured hobbies to a whole new level.
Buying a DSLR for Photography.
That made me real broke, but I decided to build up a personal portfolio, so that it'll be easier for me to find jobs outside after my service. I'll focus into photojournalism on occasional weekends.
Ah, did I mention that I've kinda lost touch with blogging and writing? I'm getting back the feel of blogging once again it seems.
Did I mentioned that I've lost 14kg during the past few months? Life's got better and I've gained back 2 kg, but I'm pretty much determined to maintain this weight of mine. I've been exercising some self-discipline, by running 8 km every few days.
I've been fat my whole life, and I don't want to get to that point again. It's really tough, especially given my personal preferences and choices, but I believe I'll prevail.
On the other hand, this year has been a good year in terms of health wise, and I'm glad my family and relatives are doing just fine. I'm also glad to have met some amazing people who guided me throughout my new journey. Even when I go jogging alone, I would think of the times where we ran together as a group, and how people encouraged and spurred me on. I'm really thankful for the memories, and thank you guys for being there.
Did I mention that I became more independent? In the past, I seemed to go out only if I had a friend's company. But now, I will still go out alone if there's no one to accompany me. A lot of people interpret this as being emo or assume I've got no friends or whatsoever. But weekends are my only leisure time, and sometimes, things just need to be done, even if I'm alone.
I've became more mature and braver, and I guess I've grown stronger, personality-wise.
It's the end of 2010, and I guess it went by in a flash. I've learnt that even if we're leading mundane lives, we can still make a difference in our everyday lives by making someone smile or making a positive impact in someone's life, even for a day, and with that I hope that in 2011, I can apply the same thing to the mundane life which I assume I'll be having.
And with that, I wish you a Happy New Year, with many blessings!
*2010 has been a year of significant birthdays personally: My 21st birthday, and my Mom's 50th birthday!
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Wish it was just a dream.
I just feel that I should just visit this old avenue of mine, because the future still holds a lot of uncertainties for me, and I just feel like typing at this point of time. And for now, I'm scared.
These 4 months of training has indeed made me a stronger person, and I've lost tremendous amount of weight, and being tougher mentally.
But it seems that God wants to prepare me for a path that's tougher than I can imagine. I'm in a state of mixed feelings, and I'm not prepared at all.
It's all my fault I guess. Always hoping for the best, and yet when I fall, the disappointment sinks in. Friends around me seems to get the best deal, and I should be looking it in a different light, a different perspective.
I'm trying to be happy, I really am. But my personality makes me otherwise, and right now I need guidance, and motivation. Something that I can look forward to.
These 4 months of training has indeed made me a stronger person, and I've lost tremendous amount of weight, and being tougher mentally.
But it seems that God wants to prepare me for a path that's tougher than I can imagine. I'm in a state of mixed feelings, and I'm not prepared at all.
It's all my fault I guess. Always hoping for the best, and yet when I fall, the disappointment sinks in. Friends around me seems to get the best deal, and I should be looking it in a different light, a different perspective.
I'm trying to be happy, I really am. But my personality makes me otherwise, and right now I need guidance, and motivation. Something that I can look forward to.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Things which can never be deciphered.
Life's been getting depressing as time passes, and I'm trying to stay positive.
I've been getting quieter and just keep to myself, except at times when I manage to let out a weak smile.
I went to the temple to seek some advice, and the interpretation was:
For the present moment, there will be some difficulties, be patient and wait a while.
I will try to heed this advice, and I'm trying to believe. Really. Sometimes, I hate myself that I'm so mentally weak, and physically weak as well.
Guide me through all of these, please.
I've been getting quieter and just keep to myself, except at times when I manage to let out a weak smile.
I went to the temple to seek some advice, and the interpretation was:
For the present moment, there will be some difficulties, be patient and wait a while.
I will try to heed this advice, and I'm trying to believe. Really. Sometimes, I hate myself that I'm so mentally weak, and physically weak as well.
Guide me through all of these, please.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
I've learn how to treasure.
It's been 2 months, and I'm still not used to this whole thing.
One thing that I've learnt since the past 8 weeks is that I've learned to treasure my parents, and relatives and my brother, not to mention friends as well. All these things, including my home which I've been taking it for granted for so many years.
I get depressed real easily, and trying to listen and singing songs to lift up my moods, and not mention that I've injured my back for the past one week and it hasn't recover for already 1 month.
I'll try my best to blog every weekend. I really don't know what's in store for me for the future.
One thing that I've learnt since the past 8 weeks is that I've learned to treasure my parents, and relatives and my brother, not to mention friends as well. All these things, including my home which I've been taking it for granted for so many years.
I get depressed real easily, and trying to listen and singing songs to lift up my moods, and not mention that I've injured my back for the past one week and it hasn't recover for already 1 month.
I'll try my best to blog every weekend. I really don't know what's in store for me for the future.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Sanity.
Been a tumultuous period for me as I try to adjust, but let's just say that currently I'm coping fine.
I'll be strong, and I'll carry on.
I'll be strong, and I'll carry on.
Friday, June 04, 2010
National Service.
As you are reading this, I'm probably packing away to Pulau Tekong, for my National Service.
Fast forward after my graduation from Nanyang Polytechnic, and now Singapore called upon my service to serve the nation.
Just now I was at the temple praying for my safety, wellness and such, and I bumped into Howard, who was my favourite columnist and a role model, because I respect him so much. I suddenly realise that I have so much things I wanna achieve in life.
I called both my maternal and paternal grandparents to ask them to take good care of their health and eat well. My maternal grandmother, upon hearing the news that I was enlisting tomorrow, suddenly cried.
It suddenly struck me that being the eldest son in the family line, I am also the first to be enlisted in the army. I was also grateful and am thankful for all the well-wishes that my friends and family gave, and I feel truly blessed. I love every single one of you.
I have been telling myself that this will be a slimming centre, and that they are paying me to slim down, although 2 years is a long time.
I know that this 2 years of journey which I will embark on will change my thinking and life. And I won't be returning to Singapore for the next 2 weeks.
So as I embark on this 2-year journey, I thank you for all the support that you have given for this blog and your compliments for the past 5 years. This blog will not be closed, and like I said before: As long as I'm alive, I will continue to blog. (Maybe this time only the weekends)
I miss each and every one of you.
And I shall end this note with my shaved head, in comparison to a basketball:
Goodbye all.
Monday, May 24, 2010
I hate late nights.
So many stuff have happened, shall blog them soon.
Just wanna say that I hate late nights, cos they will make me get emotional when I listen to love songs.
I'll leave for a better place.
Just wanna say that I hate late nights, cos they will make me get emotional when I listen to love songs.
I'll leave for a better place.
Monday, May 10, 2010
An unexpected opportunity.
Pardon my week-long absence, as it has been a rather busy week for me. I've finally taken a break for the next few weeks before my enlistment, and will be working a few days every now and then.
After this whole experience at a particular departmental store, I believe I'm not used to working in such an environment, especially when it's inevitable to be part of the politics between brands, with promoters quarreling every single now and then. I must say that my fellow promoters treat me very well.
Most importantly, I had one of the best customer experiences with people, and that it will etch a memory in me forever. One of the customers and his mum offered to shake my hand because he was thankful and grateful for what I've done for him and I was extremely happy.
But there was this particular customer which I must mention. I remembered vividly that he came to buy bedsheets, and he wanted to buy a few sets. He had trouble finding suitable colours, so I asked him about his wall and tile colours, and further on asking what kind of look and feel he wants for his room.
I gave him my opinion based on my visualisation, and helped him to match. He was quite indecisive because he was quite unsure about his mattress size and such, and he ended up buying a set. He was thankful and apologise to me for taking so much of my time. He then further asked for a namecard or any contact number that I could give, so that he can further request for me when he comes down to the departmental store.
I ended up giving him my personal namecard which states that I'm a graphic designer.
Few days later, I received a call from OWELL Bodycare, and the caller knew that I was working as a bedlinen promoter and that my service was extremely good. She also knew I studied design, and further on asked: Are you interested in being a Visual Merchandiser?
She said that I will be in-charge of some operational stuff and be in-charge of their displays and such. She hopes to be in contact with me, and said that she is willing to wait until I finish my National Service before hiring me. Of course, I need to work as a part-timer to understand the nature of their products and such.
I was in a state of shock, and I was overwhelmed.
I mean, seriously?!
What are the chances of a customer helping to refer you to do other jobs?
I know that there's no way that this customer will see this, but I just wanna say this:
Thank you sir, for appreciating the stuff that I've done and believing in me. And you gave me this opportunity to work with your contacts. Words can never describe how grateful and thankful I am to you, but I'm really overwhelmed with your kindness. I hope that one day if I ever see you again, I would like to take the chance to shake your hand in gratefulness. Thank you very much!!
Monday, May 03, 2010
I hate my personality.
Yesterday, I had a fellow colleague who shouted and pointing at me using his index finger at me in the sales floor right in front of fellow promoters and customers.
Come to think of it, it wasn't totally my fault, but I decided to apologise and give in because I didn't want a quarrel. But this guy kept shouting at my female colleague, asking her to quarrel after finishing work, to see who wins or whatsoever.
I was in a state of shock. In my years as a promoter, I never get shouted by any departmental store managers or supervisors, and I got shouted by another brand's promoter, accusing me of: don't you know the law here?
I somehow felt scared I must say.
After this incident, I hated myself. People say that I'm someone who's too nice, and too soft-hearted. That probably resulted in me being bullied by friends, and always attempting to retreat during a quarrel.
I mean, I have my own temper, and it's just that I haven't flare up my real temper to most people.
I know most people will probably retaliate given my position but for me I just chicken out.
I hate myself. Why am I like that?
Come to think of it, it wasn't totally my fault, but I decided to apologise and give in because I didn't want a quarrel. But this guy kept shouting at my female colleague, asking her to quarrel after finishing work, to see who wins or whatsoever.
I was in a state of shock. In my years as a promoter, I never get shouted by any departmental store managers or supervisors, and I got shouted by another brand's promoter, accusing me of: don't you know the law here?
I somehow felt scared I must say.
After this incident, I hated myself. People say that I'm someone who's too nice, and too soft-hearted. That probably resulted in me being bullied by friends, and always attempting to retreat during a quarrel.
I mean, I have my own temper, and it's just that I haven't flare up my real temper to most people.
I know most people will probably retaliate given my position but for me I just chicken out.
I hate myself. Why am I like that?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sorry.
I know, I haven't been blogging much, and it's kinda boring nowadays.
It's just that I haven't been able to blog out my thoughts well. And I'm just stressed out.
Thank you to those who stayed and supported. :)
It's just that I haven't been able to blog out my thoughts well. And I'm just stressed out.
Thank you to those who stayed and supported. :)
Saturday, April 24, 2010
5th June.
Enlisting in 5th June..
Nation called, and it's time to serve my National Service for the country. Everything is happening so fast, so hectic.
I believe this will be a major turning point for me in my life with a strong impact, although I don't know the direction of it. Let's hope everything turns out well.
Another phase, and I must be strong enough to face it. Talk about having trimmed hair close to skinhead is something which I never had.
Gotta spend time meeting up with friends, colleagues and acquaintances soon. I'm still deciding when to end work. Damn..
Nation called, and it's time to serve my National Service for the country. Everything is happening so fast, so hectic.
I believe this will be a major turning point for me in my life with a strong impact, although I don't know the direction of it. Let's hope everything turns out well.
Another phase, and I must be strong enough to face it. Talk about having trimmed hair close to skinhead is something which I never had.
Gotta spend time meeting up with friends, colleagues and acquaintances soon. I'm still deciding when to end work. Damn..
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Enlistment date..
Knowing one's enlistment date is like taking back 'O' levels results.
So freaking anxious and somehow scary.
Some of my friends already got their enlistment dates.
I wonder when's mine?!
So freaking anxious and somehow scary.
Some of my friends already got their enlistment dates.
I wonder when's mine?!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
One of them. One of us.
"The rain is falling.
Defeat is calling.
I need you to set me free."
Working in a place where competition is nigh high, and sales-driven promoters quarrel over the slightest things, this is the worst that I've ever seen in my 4-5 years working as a promoter.
Vultures, crocodiles and lions roam the sales floor, with politics everywhere.
I've been trying to adapt to this place, which is a different ball game from anywhere else. And so far, I haven't been in a quarrel with any of them because I chose not to retaliate.
I mean, why would people come to work and cut each other sales and start quarreling? Shouldn't it be a happy place to work at? Competition should be healthy and encouraged but it wasn't meant to be.
It is up to this point where I feel I'm not cut to be a promoter. I'm not very aggressive. I'm not ruthless, and I'm not dangerous, and I seldom cut sales in order to maintain a good relationship with my colleagues. This is not me, and I believe no matter what, the customer should be in the welfare of getting what he needs, regardless of the brand.
But in the jungle, sheeps like me are meant to be eaten by other predators. In life it's always the same case. I'm usually the one being bullied and name-called.
Perhaps people haven't seen the side when I'm angry. Perhaps people haven't seen a raging sheep. Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise to train my personality.
Soon, I will become one of them. One of us..
Defeat is calling.
I need you to set me free."
Working in a place where competition is nigh high, and sales-driven promoters quarrel over the slightest things, this is the worst that I've ever seen in my 4-5 years working as a promoter.
Vultures, crocodiles and lions roam the sales floor, with politics everywhere.
I've been trying to adapt to this place, which is a different ball game from anywhere else. And so far, I haven't been in a quarrel with any of them because I chose not to retaliate.
I mean, why would people come to work and cut each other sales and start quarreling? Shouldn't it be a happy place to work at? Competition should be healthy and encouraged but it wasn't meant to be.
It is up to this point where I feel I'm not cut to be a promoter. I'm not very aggressive. I'm not ruthless, and I'm not dangerous, and I seldom cut sales in order to maintain a good relationship with my colleagues. This is not me, and I believe no matter what, the customer should be in the welfare of getting what he needs, regardless of the brand.
But in the jungle, sheeps like me are meant to be eaten by other predators. In life it's always the same case. I'm usually the one being bullied and name-called.
Perhaps people haven't seen the side when I'm angry. Perhaps people haven't seen a raging sheep. Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise to train my personality.
Soon, I will become one of them. One of us..
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