Perhaps, there's a limit..

I've always considered myself to be mature in terms of thinking and writing. I'm fully aware that I'm not an intelligent and a creative person.


That's why I worked hard for my Math. It didn't paid off. I felt so guilty because I let everyone down. My first year in Polytechnic was complete bullshit, because my drawing and painting screwed me up. I got 2 for my GPA.


Motivational and inspirational quotes are there for a reason. It keeps us alive and ongoing. But I'm starting to lose faith. I'm starting to falter. I'm starting to question.


It's just like the analogy of the wolf and the 3 little pigs. He huffed and puffed at the house. With all his utmost might, he huffed and puffed again. But he couldn't bring the house down. And he left.


I'm cognizant that my works are practically shit. But I kept telling myself: "I'm improving, bit by bit. It's the process that's important."

Then suddenly at the end of the day you realise that the finished product/results is what that matters, and here comes the reality:

"I cannot make it to local universities with this kind of GPA."


And now, here comes the conflicting views.


Angel: James, you should continue to work hard! Whether you get into university doesn't matter, as long as you know you've been working hard and can answer to yourself.

Demon: What were you even thinking? The fact is that you cannot get into local universities (unless you miraculously gets 4 for your GPA every semester, which doesn't happen). Why waste your precious money printing and buying materials when at the end of the day, you know that you can never make it to the university?



Although I'm able to comprehend the nature of this whole thing, I guess I'm still sticking my guns to the angelic side. I'll make a decision as time goes along.