I really cannot find a better title than the above one because it best represents the current situation, and I credit Transformers for the title. This post is just one that is really heartfelt, and I hope you guys understand where I'm coming from.
For the past few months, it has been evident that my acne is returning, since I've enjoyed clear skin for the past 2 years.
Oily skin is returning, and my pimples are flaring. I do believe that my stress for the past 3 months played an important role too.
Here's a recent condition of my skin..
These stupid pimples and scars just simply resemble the Pacific Ring of Fire. Volcanoes are flaring up, just like my pimples!
My decision to take Accutane again was met with resistance, especially from my dad. He firmly believes that youngsters like me should not take such powerful drugs because of the side effects.
For the benefit of people who doesn't know what's Accutane, I shall briefly explain what it is here.
It is the most powerful drug regarded for severe acne, and is often the last resort to treat it.
Women have to sign a detailed form if they're taking the drug, because it can cause severe birth defects in pregnancies.
And here are some of the many effects that can/will happen, depending on the individual:
Conjunctivitis (``pinkeye''), dry or fragile skin, dry or cracked lips, dry mouth, dry nose, itching, joint pains, nosebleed Bowel inflammation and pain, chest pain, decreased night vision, decreased tolerance to contact lenses, delay in wound healing, depression, fatigue, headache, nausea, peeling palms or soles, rash, skin infections, stomach and intestinal discomfort, sunburn-sensitive skin, thinning hair, urinary discomfort, vision problems, vomiting, suicidal tendencies, hearing impairment, erectile dysfunction, violent behaviour/aggression.
Some are severe, some are common and mild. To be honest, I was intimidated while typing these, but during my previous course of Accutane, the side effects I got were only joint pains, dry mouth and dry lips.
I asked myself, is this really necessary to put my body through all these in order to achieve better skin?
The answer is yes.
I'm a victim of media's portrayal of good-looking, and I've always aspire to lose weight because for that reason, but not because of health reasons.
It goes the same for clear skin as well. For the past few years, my equation has been:
Facial Scars = Disfigured.
I'm disfigured. And whenever I get breakouts, I refuse to look at myself in the mirror. And in photographs, I only do so if my scars and pimples are invisible to the eye due to overexposure of flash light.
Sometimes I've been wondering why I had such severe acne. I did attempt to take care of it. Benzoyl Peroxide, some stupid exfoliation by SilkPro, toner, antibiotics and random cleansers by clinics. NOTHING WORKED.
I've been living in self-denial, and my self-esteem and confidence has not been high either.
A person asked me: What if your future children comes out disfigured or with defects? Is it worth it?
Although she's ignorant about the facts of Accutane, which obviously does not affect my future children or whatsoever, I understand where she's coming from.
I would rather live in 40 years of clear skin and live a happy life, rather than living for 80 years yet filled with depression.
Moreover, I refuse to get into a worser state that happened in secondary school. The teasing, comments and insults continue to haunt me whenever I have breakouts.
So to my dad or those who doesn't understand, I hope this post clears up, because this drug can be a life-changing miracle for me, and I really don't want to have a moon-cratered face anymore.
www.wikipedia.org.
And while you're reading this, touch your face and be thankful for the good and better skin that you have.
