Scars will make us remember for life.

I love how I can always connect to Corrinne May's songs someway or another, and I've wrote a few poems regarding my life in attachment and how I feel.

I like the photograph below, and I somehow can relate something to this girl's eyes, and her scarred face, well except mine is a moon-cratered one.

Many thanks to adritzz on Flickr for this shot.

To give you a peek about how I feel currently, here's the certain exerpts of the lyrics to Corrinne May's song, Scars.

I just want to ru

Just want to hide away

Close my eyes to your gaze.

Just want to leave

Don't want to hear them say

"You're no good at this"

When the world swirls with naysayers

Broken wings and torn pages

The road ahead

Drowning in my tears

Break me open

Tear me down

Into pieces

Broken crumbs

On the ground

You can mould and shape me

In your image

Breath your life

You know I need it

Scars make us stronger for life.

Losing myself

Gaining it back again

Forging strength from weakness

All that I am

All that I meant to be

Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers

Pickled hearts and sour faces

What is real what I cannot see.

Scars might not make us stronger for life, but they will make us remember them for life.

Thinspiration.

I suddenly have my short fuse desire to lose weight, and I've not been eating proper meals for dinner, but filling up with fruit juices, raw carrots etc. But when I ate dinner on weekends..

BOOM! I suffered the yo-yo effects of dieting. I gained nearly a kilogram on Monday. Perhaps it's time to excerise, but I'm finding excuses again.

Gotta go, and I shall master the courage and persevere!

Hungry Ghost Festival!

It's the Hungry Ghosts Festival again, and for those who doesn't know what it is, it's actually a month's period whereby hungry ghosts from Hell roam around the Earth.

Don't be surprised if you see people burning incense and offerings to the dead.

I have a phobia of taking the lift and walking the corridor whenever I reach home late at night. Now that the Hungry Ghost Festival is here, my mom will advise me to not stay so late.

And some other rules that has to be followed according to traditions:

1. Don't look back if someone calls your name.
2. Don't step on burnt offerings.
3. No vulgarities.
4. Go home early.

And the list goes on.

And guess what, I'm left with 1 month for attachment, AND I'M COUNTING DOWN!

The Problem With Diving.

My dad was trying to coax me not to go diving this coming October, as he thought it was dangerous, due to the recent news of Bali drownings. He further on talks about how dangerous diving is, and how he had rubbed shoulders with death when he was swimming in Desaru, Malaysia.

This topic has come up to me umpteen times, but I just want to address it one last time.

Call me stubborn, headstrong, or whatever but I personally think that nobody should stop me from going for my passion.

Sure, diving is dangerous. But I treasure my life, and I will be extra careful. And my dad, who attempts to coax me not to go, is not convincing me because he drinks and smokes. Both activities already had a toll on his body after over 20 years.

(Oh yes, he saw a project that I did in Year 1 whereby it was a perfume bottle concept and I constructed it to look like a coffin. (Polytechnic friends, Mr Ayob's balsa wood, remember?) Guess what? He said I left such things at home, that's why he had heart problems, yada yada and other nonsense. Then, he threw that model away. How ridiculous?)

Back to the topic, I just feel that he is not in a position to talk me out, but could rather care and show some concern, because he is doing stuff that is dangerous to himself as well. Plus, I have the mentality that if a person's time is up, his time is up.

Let's give an analogy. If you have been a safe driver, abiding to road safety and rules, and suddenly a drunk driver rams you right at the back of your car. You're killed.

Who do you blame? Your rotten luck that got you killed? Does that justify your death?

No matter what, let's just say that nobody can stop me from pursuing my passion.
(I can hear you adults say: Forget it, you will understand when you have children next time.)

Oh no, I just doesn't like the direction of where this post is heading. Shall stop here.

Celebrations!

I've been going out intensively over the past few weeks, so Imma post some of the photographs, credit to Daphne, and Yingying for the photos.

At Kbox, celebrating Shi Li's birthday. Fun time with them! Shall update a few..

Love the balloons!

Have you guys watched UP? I did, and I thought it was pretty good, except for the whopping movie ticket of $13, because of the 3-D glasses. It felt uncomfortable, and uneasy but the show is solid. 4/5 stars for that man.

Went to the airport to welcome Daphne and Wei Qi back to Singapore from their diving trip to Bali. They've seen so many exotic sea creatures and I felt so intrigued. It's like fuelling your passion once again!

Glad they had lots of fun!

Happy Birthday Singapore!

Happy 44th Birthday Singapore!

I wasn't really crazed over the celebrations for Singapore for the past few years, but this time round, my friends wanted to see fireworks so we went down to Marina Square.

Spectacular I must say, I think fireworks are one of the best inventions. The vibrant colours, and the strokes of the fireworks were beautiful. I was amazed as a child, and I'm still amazed even at this age, perhaps I thought of the wonderful things with such beautiful stuff.

When we walked back to the atrium of Marina Square, we were greeted with a roadshow of the previous National Day Parade (NDP) celebrations, and they were projecting the previous NDP songs.

Then, never did I expected I would be overwhelmed with so much emotions.

Filled with people. With most people in a sea of red and white.

They played the song "Home" which was sang by Kit Chan. Good reminiscence of the past, filled with nostalgia. But it was exceptional this time round.

People started singing the song.

"This is home, truly, where I know I must be

Where my dreams wait for me, where that river always flows

This is home, surely, as my senses tell me

This is where I won't be alone..."

Everyone in the atrium started singing the chorus. I was touched. I've never felt so much patriotism before, and I was so proud of being a Singaporean. It was definitely a beautiful sight to behold, looking at everyone singing together.

Ahh, what a great day. And I've finally recovered from my flu, experiencing chills and weakness in my body.

And I've had a new haircut, but my friends say it made my head look bigger. But I thought it was rather nice. Hmmmm..

Well, it shouldn't look like that. But never mind..

Work again..

My liasion officer came like two days ago, brought 2 packs of chocolates (which helped). It was great looking at a familiar face.. It was rather an awkward conversation between him, my bosses and me..

He knows of my insane routine, and I love how he tell my boss

"Yeah, the students come here for BOOT CAMP."

Hohoho. They keep talking about having the attitude, and being it right. Somehow, I felt a little guilty, that I should have endured this thing and not give up half-way.

Yes, attitude cannot be instilled or inculcated, because it's entirely up to your own mindset. I've only got 6 weeks left, but I really can't wait to end this attachment, along the way probably getting some valuable experience.

But I WILL NEVER work in such an environment in the near future. Seriously, attitude is one thing, but when you never know what time you end work, you simply don't have a life.

I'm convinced about that, because it's impossible to meet up with friends, or even organise outings because it's so last minute. It's something like this:

Eddie: Want L4D today?
Me: Not sure, have to see what time I end work. I'll let you know if I'm going."
Eddie: Ok.

Bam, I finished work at 10pm.


Oh, my liasion officer asked me what have I learnt, I just tell him some of the typical stuff; techniques, layout etc. I wanted to say that this is the first time I've finally learnt how to wash the toilet.

Yes people, I don't know how to wash a toilet, I know I'm a lucky kid. But let's just say that initially I've never expected myself to wash toilets (not referring it as a degrading task) during my internship.

Oh well, just 6 more weeks. 6 more weeks!

I've got so many things that I want to do and I'm trying to find time.



I'll see how it goes, I'm hoping to finish recording a song by this weekend!

Thanks for the gifts..

A very short post, to thank them for the gifts..

Thanks Shirley, for the wonderful bars.

Chloe too, thanks for the message!

I should be strong, but time after time I've been battered with insults and verbal abuses. The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak.

I'm so inspired to write a poem, gotta work it out soon.

Botanical Gardens..

Most of us, especially teenagers somehow cringe when there's a trip to unlikely places such as Singapore Zoo, or Botanical Gardens.

I am one of them who didn't really liked the idea of going to the Botanical Gardens, if not for my project a few months ago.

I had to take photographs of orchids, and along the way I took some intriguing photographs.

I personally find it a challenge, because I didn't have much experience in regards to photographing plants and flowers. I had some really weird and difficult angles which got my whole body aching.

But here are some of my favourite ones:

A road to a nursery?

Initially I didn't find this nice, but suddenly the angle and the vibrant colours simply made me put it here..

I think the sunlight added a nice touch to this one..

Took this underneath a big leaf when the sun was shining on it.

And last but not least, here's my fave photo:

I find it extremely nice because of the intricate details on the plant, and the sunlight that shone specially on this plant. Not the best, but my favourite among all of them..

Well hope you enjoy them!

James Ho Locksmith?

Spotted this shop at Peace Centre with my friends like few weeks ago.




It's not opened by me, or any of my relatives!


Oh yes, I have to talk about this incident which happened on the train last weekend. I was in the jam-packed train in North-East Line, and I was standing at a corner, feeding music to my ears.

As I was listening, the train braked at one particular stop. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?

THIS LITTLE GIRL GRABBED MY FATS. Can you imagine the scenario?

She probably was finding something to grab, held on to my shirt, but perhaps my shirt was too tight, (QUIT FANTASISING PEOPLE.) and she grabbed to my fats.

The whole moment was so awkward, and she felt for a good old 10 seconds.

WHEN DID I BECAME A POLE?! But still, I'm glad that I saved that poor girl's life from falling down!

Starting to see the day.

Thanks for all the concern, because after enduring a tough weekend; I can't believe I ended work at 11.15pm on Friday and worked on Saturday as well.

I've decided to look on the positive side, and persevere. Thanks to everyone who commented, and encouraged me.

And that of course, includes my liasion officer cum mentor, Mr Ransome Chua. The sms and the call really hit me hard, and I thank him for that.

I've got 8 weeks left, and I shall look forward to it, and learn to love the attachment.

Here are some excerpts from the sms:

Losers are the quitters, winners come about because they never quit, but pick themselves up when they fall time after time. Don't run away from your fears, because fear always has a way of overtaking you and starting you in the face.

Face up to it, do your best and kill that fear; for that is the only way to vanquish it. And in the end you will stand tall because you know you can do it.


That hit me hard. REAL HARD. It was one of the most powerful thoughts I've ever read, and it left a deep impact on me.

So yep, I'll not rant and try to be positive. Always.

Thanks all and I love each and single one of you.

Can I be happy at work?

Sorry for the lack of updates, because most of the time I'm back home rather late and is rather too tired to pen down my thoughts.. But still, I thank you for coming back to check again. Somehow, there'll be alot of texts..

I'm penning my thoughts down, and whether it is a rant or a complaint that will affect me, I don't really care anymore.

I've never felt so indignant, sad and depressed for a long while. I want to love my work. I really do. But why do I find so much sadness in this attachment?

Is it because I didn't get what I wanted? I've complained before that I have to OT everyday. Initially I thought it was fault, because I couldn't do things properly and quick.

My boss told me before: "Actually I don't encourage interns to OT."

Few days later he asked:

"What time did you finish work yesterday?"
"8.30pm."
"So early?"

Probably in a joking manner but I wasn't amused.

Because I will NEVER be let off at 6.30pm, it's very difficult to meet up with fellow friends on weekdays. They get released on the dot, maybe slightly while more. And they still had to wait for me and called to ask because I can never give a definite timing.

I tried to work things as fast as I could, so that I can be let off by 6.30pm.

But it was not meant to be. Take today for example, I was summoned at 4pm to crop this group of peoples' photographs, and compile every single one of them into this template. 2 hours deadline.

The techniques were easy. But guess how many photographs do I have to crop? MORE THAN 400!!!

Of course I overshot, and 1 of my boss decided to let me off early, seeing that I was sick today. 8.15pm that is.

Then suddenly, another boss wanted to check my sketches:

"Hey James, are you meeting with anyone?"
"No.." (Who am I to reject right?)
"Ok lets discuss."

I was pissed, and so tired. And the whole thing ended at 9.30pm today. I was so disappointed today, because he said something like: "finish ur diploma and go do other stuff that you like."

I somehow interpreted that he had given up hope on me or something like that. That made me felt sad.

And to add on to my fury, I was told that I might need to come back to do work for this coming weekend.

I SERIOUSLY CANNOT TAKE IT. It's like you have OT for the past few weeks and yet you might still need to come back this coming weekend?

I need to stop here. My mood is worsening after each sentence.

FRIENDS, DON'T CONTACT ME TO GO OUT ON WEEKDAYS ANYMORE. I DON'T HAVE A LIFE.

My mundane life..

Thanks for those who cared, I really appreciates it. Things has started to get better, though I still have to OT all the way. Met up with my polytechnic friends and we talked about our internship life. And it's great to meet up with them. Tian Tian I miss you too!

I think it's about time I pick myself up, have the confidence that I once had and start afresh. I've been rusty and behind the scenes lately.

I was looking at my previous photographs, but I had a good laugh at this one.

CHLOE AND ME KISSED.

WHAT IF MY GIRLFRIEND GETS ANGRY?! Damn!

Ok, not past tense, because we never really did. Year 2 memories, and it's how interesting time flies.

And to Clarence, Derrick and Clement, all the best for your National Service!

I dread design.

First week of attachment has passed, and I'm already 70% sure that I'm not going to do design anymore. Plus now I'm in such a foul mood, thanks the flu that I had today which really brought my mood down. So if you excuse me, allow me to rant here.

I've just only finished the first week, and I've never felt that kind of stress of a long time. It's fine that I do some menial jobs, but I've been doing projects that I'm unfamiliar or very poor at.

I've got projects in hand and I've never dread development so much before. Stuff such as finishing the final artwork concept every day continuously or even doing 5 concepts before lunchtime prove to be an impossible task for a mediocre junior designer like me.

Someone kill me please. I've been working overtime and has never finish at 6.30pm on time before. And don't tell me that doing unfamiliar stuff or things that I'm very poor at will help me to improve.

Think about it, when you pray to God, you will pray that everything will go on smoothly and hope there will not be obstacles for you.

You don't go: "Oh lord, please let something happen to me so I can become a better person."

If you are a person who dashes across the red traffic light often, you will NEVER think that one day you will get knocked down by a car and learn a lesson from it.


Friends that are on internship are never as worse as me, as far as I know. I'm not trying to pinpoint, but I'm disappointed that I wasn't exactly into publication.

My bosses and colleague are nice people, but not the work. And I hope that things will get better as I endure my 12 weeks of gruel internship.

PETA, you're a pile of bullshit.

PETA stands for People for the Ethnical Treatment of Animals. It's how nice to hear that they don't support animal testing, fur farming etc, and how passionate they feel about animal rights and fight for these animals. Most or all of PETA members are vegetarians.

I myself support some of the stuff, including whale killing etc. But sometimes they can be really ludicrous and how far their thinking is.

Here's what happened:


President Obama was in a television interview, and he smacked a house fly in the middle of the interview when the fly keep persistently interrupting him in the interview. The fly died.


Now, PETA is calling it an "execution" and wants President Obama to show more compassion to even "the least sympathetic animals."

PETA continued further: He isn't the Buddha, he's a human being, and human beings have a long way to go before they think before they act.

And PETA gave Obama a device to trap flies so that they can be released outside.


You can watch the video of the interview here:



PETA, what is your problem with a fly dying? Some flies can be of great danger to human beings because they can transmit diseases, or worst still, eat your flesh.

Do you just stand there and let the fly consume you or whatsoever? Or will you defend yourself by killing it?

Sure, you can say that you're referring to harmless flies, and we should show compassion to them. But think about it. Isn't it a natural instinct for people to smack a fly when it is irritating him/her? And how you can even link the incident to the Buddha. It's god damn hilarious, PETA.


You guys puts adoptive animals to sleep (equates to killing as well) and yet you made a big fuss of President Obama killing a fly. It's time to get real, PETA.


I used to have respect for you, but this incidence made me lost most of it, if not all. I feel very strongly about certain topics when my bullshit detector went off. And this is one of them.

And you, PETA is a pile of shit, and cares about such mundane stuff. Why? Because flies love to stick around shit.


This is best I feel what summaries PETA:

"I'm all for animal rights, but PETA is unbelievable."

Some current stuff..

First and foremost, I wanna say a BIG THANK-YOU to Tzewei, for helping me today and getting my way through the office.

I've got a nice colleague and 2 seemingly nice bosses, but I had to sign a contract due to the nature of the work that Im going to do, and it is so highly confidential that Im not allowed to post any of the related stuff at all!

And I'm working from 9.30am to around 7-8pm everyday... I don't mind doing menial jobs, but I just didn't like the idea of having OT.. And I'm not doing much of publications as well. Yes, I'm complaining, not that I should, but oh well..

I somehow dread the first day of work, and as far as I'm concerned, I think the next 3 months will be a little bit of heaven, but a whole lot of hell. Let's just hope I don't hate design.

That aside, I've watched Transformers 2 with my good friends, which I've haven't seen for few weeks? I had great fun that night.

I'll give a rating for 3.5/5 for Transformers 2 this time round, and I must say that it is pretty good, but the storyline wasn't that strong.

Ahh, and it's also Mir-ene's 21st birthday! She's damn cute and sweet!

She's really drunk!

I adore this class!


Okay, gotta turn in for now! Im tired!

Let's pay a tribute.

I will be having my attachment next week, and I'm not really looking forward to it.. Ahhh, and it lasts for 9 weeks. Let's just hope that they have more publication projects, which my interest currently lies in.





And.. Im supposed to blog about happy stuff.. but today, one of the greatest legends in the world has died.





His name is Michael Jackson.






I'm not really a true blue fan of his, but I loved some of his songs such as "Earth Song" and "Heal the World". He writes beautiful songs, and of course his magnificent dancing as well.

Apparently, he died of a heart attack in a rented apartment..

Regardless of the scandals that happened to him or whatsoever, let's give credit and respect to the King of Pop, and let's pay a tribute to him.

Rest in peace, Michael Jackson.

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Battered and Beaten.

Somehow, depression sets in again for me. I just don't know why. Losing confidence in everything I do, doing for the sake of doing.

Suddenly, I just felt there were too many responsibilities that I couldn't ignore, and I felt so overwhelmed. It's been a while since I really sat down and think.

I sometimes think I'm a lunatic. I sometimes even think what is it like to have a terminal disease.

And recently, I've been frequently trying to induce cough to get a kick out of it.

I have great friends, wonderful family and a good and positive future. But yet sometimes I think Im better off dead. 

Don't take this post that seriously though, perhaps Im just talking nonsense.

Led by my nose.

Sometimes, I simply do design work just do please my lecturers, having no opinions for my work at all. Now, I'm so stressed and desperately need a breather.

Busy till next week. Will blog when I have the time.